Warning: may contain graphic descriptions of bodily fluids, bodily solids, ectoplasm, and sarlac pits.
Further Warning: may contain spoilers on fatherhood, toddlerhood, sleep deprivation, bath-time, bed-time, and The Man in the High Castle (because I’m loving that show).
Hello and welcome to the first installation of Daddy Issues. There are so many Mom-blogs out there, which makes sense because moms are super important (go call your mother, this article will still be here when you get back. Just tell her hi for no particular reason. She’ll dig it.) There are a lot of Dad blogs out there too. It makes sense that there are so many of these because parenthood is a vast treacherous landscape full of ROUS, Bogs of Eternal Stench, nebulizers, nipple stimulation (check with my editor, can I say nipple?), and in rare cases “crossing the streams.” This is a journey that simply cannot and should not be travelled alone. I need Gimli’s Ax and Legolas’ bow at the bare-minimum (toddlers aren’t so different from orcs you know).
I know what you’re thinking, “I get enough pictures of kids I don’t know or care about on my Facebook feed, I don’t need to come to TWR to read about more”. Well, that’s not my plan. I’m not here to just dote on my children (though they are totes dote-able) This is more like an insightful expose on the ins, outs, ups, downs, somersault-y, highly-explored, yet still under-understood world of parenthood. The highs are to the moon on a magic carpet ride with Aladdin and Jasmine (nevermind how we’ll breathe) and the lows are like the scene in Kill Bill where she’s buried alive in the coffin (except as the average parent you do not have extensive ninja training, and instead of punching your way out you think to yourself “ah yes, this is a nice quiet place to rest”). If you have kids hopefully you can identify, enjoy, and share in this journey. If you don’t have kids but want them someday, this is written to begin to prepare you heart, mind, and soul. If you don’t have kids and never want to have kids, this is your window through which to look, laugh, and say “ha! This is why I don’t have kids” while sipping a latte that no one is trying to throw, begging for a sip of, or putting fish crackers in while you’re not looking. FYI, if you are in that last category, and yet someone is doing a, b, or c, you need new friends. Continue reading