The Growing Season: Unemployment

Those two weeks seem interminable, as I try to do my job from underneath a suffocating pile of resentment. I’ve been doing repetitive online searches for new positions, but my pregnancy seems to be the dead end I keep hitting: shockingly, no one wants to hire a person who will be working, at most, six months before taking another couple off. So I go through the motions of my last two weeks with an income, trying to remember—and believe—that Jack’s reaction to the news was that everything would be okay. Of course, when I went to bed early that night, I could hear him downstairs, pecking away at his computer and what I know was our budget spreadsheet. I push away visions of our baby sleeping in a dresser drawer, and I report for duty. Then I walk away for the last time.

Truth be told, I’m not sure it’s the removal of my income and its effect on our budget that bothers me most about this. It’s not a great economy, but I work in a perpetually necessary field, and short of opportunities within it, Starbucks seems to be doing okay—maybe they’d hire me. Deeper than the money issues lies a gnawing fear, though. I’m just past my first trimester now, and the nausea is beginning to lift; not in one glorious upheaval, but little by little, and enough to let me know that brighter days are ahead for me and food. And there’s the clean (so far) bill of health we received from Dr. Forth—a source of considerable relief. But again, underneath all that lies the gray mood that haunted me throughout the first trimester, darkened by the rift with Cara and general separation I feel from my closest friends back in New York. I know that left to myself at home, there’s much less separating me from that grayness. And I’m afraid of it. Continue reading

Blue Aproned: What Happens When a Non-Foodie Tries a Food Delivery Service

Friends, I can’t tell you how great it has been since I first admitted that I’m not a foodie. Apparently there are so many of you that feel the same ambivalence towards food! It has warmed my heart to learn that I now know longer have to struggle in silence, to offer fake opinions about toast points, frantically yelp restaurants when someone asks for a recommendation, or pretend to be interested in kale smoothies. And since writing my confession, I have personally felt more emboldened to speak my point of view when someone asks “where should we eat?” My answer – always, forever – is “I don’t care.”

Yet this non-foodie status carries with it some negative points as well. When you don’t care about food, you can easily fall into two concurrent patterns. One, you can eat unhealthy, since the worst foods around are usually the fastest and easiest to obtain. And two, you tend to eat repetitively. If you buy a box of spaghetti and spaghetti sauce, you can and will just make that anytime you feel hungry. And if you bought it once, you’ll probably just buy it again, because hey, why would you want to think about food when you don’t have to? These are dangerous, easy paths to take. And just because we’re non-foodies doesn’t mean we have to eat garbage, right?

That’s why a couple of month’s ago, I joined Blue Apron. Blue Apron is a weekly grocery delivery service that brings the seasonal ingredients to your door, along with easy-to-read recipes to make three meals. The food comes in cold freezer bags, and is filling, delicious, and fun.

Bon Apetit!

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Your Comprehensive Guide to State of the Union Clapping

Every year we Americans are blessed with the opportunity to witness democracy in action as it takes the shape of various versions of applause during the State of the Union address. The news outlets broadcasting last night’s speech featured reaction shots of the audience, scrolling headlines with twitter insta-polls, and wide-lens shots of clapping. Lots and lots of clapping.

What does all this clapping mean? Why are some people clapping while others aren’t? How come I never get invited to sit in the gallery? Well never fear, readers. I am here to provide you with a guide to the various kinds of clapping you saw in last night’s State of the Union address.

Ceremonial Clapping
This form of clapping occurs during the State of the Union one time and one only: right at the beginning. After the modern day version of the town crier announces the President, everyone puts aside their partisan differences, quietly wonders who that guy is and what he gets paid for this gig, and puts their hands together to signal the start of the SOTU. It’s the starting gun for democracy. And also a chance for the elderly members of the audience–i.e., most of them–to test out new clapping techniques (palm-to-palm, palm-to-fingers, palm-to-knee, head, shoulders, knees and toes, etc). Continue reading

Revised Schedule

Dear Prospective Parent:

Below you will find two detailed schedules. The first outlines a typical day for you now, in your life without children. Following it is what a typical day will look like should you decide to procreate. Study this second schedule carefully and compare it with the first, noting the changes that will take place once you become a parent. Be advised…and afraid. BE VERY AFRAID.

Schedule One

4:45 am–wake up. Glance at alarm clock. It’s the middle of the night! Laugh gleefully to yourself, then drift back to sleep.

9 am–get out of bed simply because you need to pee and can’t hold it anymore, not because you have to get up now. But might as well–you might beat the rush at the gym. Continue reading