Confession time: behind my steely exterior, general stoic demeanor, and perfectly chiseled jaw-line, lies a few not-so-rational fears. I know, I know. You’re probably as shocked to read this as I am to write this, but it’s true. We all have our imperfections. For example, I’m too humble for my own good. Also, I once killed a drifter.
Still, I’ll readily acknowledge these fears. (Honesty is, after all, one of my greatest, non-bicep related traits). We all have them though: heights, the dark, public speaking, falling satellites. None of those really make my list, and overall mine may be a little, well, different. So here they are, in no particular order:
- Reverse vampires
- Snakes on a plane, but oddly not in a plane
- Misplaced prepositions
- Fear itself
- Amphibians trained in martial arts
I’m only going to focus on the last one here since I don’t want to go beyond our 50-minute allotted session, but first I want to make something clear. I know the whole “I’m afraid of clowns” schtick is a tad overdone. There’s probably a dozen TV shows and movies that have used this joke, and if one of Tommy the intern’s phobias wasn’t a deathly fear of disappointing me, I’d have him dig up a few links for you to prove it. I get it. It’s a tad cliche at this point. But I swear to you on a the grave of Bozo the Clown that I’m not making this up to get a cheap laugh. If I wanted to do that I’d just post a clip of Tommy getting hit in the groin by a football. Though knowing Tommy he’d probably jump out-of-frame and blow the take. Such insolence. Such a disappointment…