Back when I first resumed blogging after seven year hiatus (unacceptable, I know), I made my grand re-entry into the blogosphere with a short haiku that summed up what I’d been doing during my extended sabbatical, and offered a 7-item bucket list I’d come up with after turning the big 3-0. That list still stands, especially the bit about teaching a man to fish–allegedly more helpful than giving a man a fish, much to the chagrin of fishmongers worldwide–but then I saw this courtesy of thelolshop.com
Well played, LOLshop, well played. A delicious work of hilarious genius if ever I’ve seen one.
That got me to reconsider my own bucket-list. Upon second reading, it seemed more GOL (giggle/groan out loud) or WAROL (wonder about Ryan out loud). So here is the revised version, which I hope will manufacture as many LOLs as its muse.
- Purchase bus ad that reads “Caution: If this bus goes less than 50 MPH Keanu Reeves will keep making movies”
- Run with the bulls, but with a giant mirror strapped to my back for protection via bovine confusion.
- Hire a skywriter to fly over a crowded beach and write: “SOS! Does anyone down there speak jive?”
- Dress up as Monopoly man and paint “Go” on a street corner. Hand out $200 to passers-by.*
- Get tattoo on upper back reading “if found, please return to Walt Disney Memorial Cryogenic Freezing Center.”
- Wear shirt reading “pen” and challenge opponent wearing shirt reading “sword” to various feats of strength. Winner advances to play the victor of the Truth vs. Fiction match-up in Battle of the Idioms.
- Teach a new dog old tricks, e.g., extended coughing and shivering, struggling to get up stairs, and “playing” dead.
- Schedule yearly physical and wear apple-filled garland necklace to test doctor-is-to-apples as vampires-is-to-garlic analogy.
- Go on tour of prominent Masonic temple. In middle of tour pull out completed Rubik’s cube and scream “I’ve got it!” and start frantically pulling up carpeting/floor tiles.
- Schedule an informational interview with a stripper.*
*Gentlemanly hat-tip to Ms. Manager for these gems