My 2012 Bucket List

Back when I first resumed blogging after seven year hiatus (unacceptable, I know), I made my grand re-entry into the blogosphere with a short haiku that summed up what I’d been doing during my extended sabbatical, and offered a 7-item bucket list I’d come up with after turning the big 3-0. That list still stands, especially the bit about teaching a man to fish–allegedly more helpful than giving a man a fish, much to the chagrin of fishmongers worldwide–but then I saw this courtesy of thelolshop.com

Well played, LOLshop, well played. A delicious work of hilarious genius if ever I’ve seen one.

That got me to reconsider my own bucket-list. Upon second reading, it seemed more GOL (giggle/groan out loud) or WAROL (wonder about Ryan out loud). So here is the revised version, which I hope will manufacture as many LOLs as its muse.

Purchase bus ad that reads “Caution: If this bus goes less than 50 MPH Keanu Reeves will keep making movies”
Run with the bulls, but with a giant mirror strapped to my back for protection via bovine confusion.
Hire a skywriter to fly over a crowded beach and write: “SOS! Does anyone down there speak jive?”
Dress up as Monopoly man and paint “Go” on a street corner. Hand out $200 to passers-by.*
Get tattoo on upper back reading “if found, please return to Walt Disney Memorial Cryogenic Freezing Center.”
Wear shirt reading “pen” and challenge opponent wearing shirt reading “sword” to various feats of strength. Winner advances to play the victor of the Truth vs. Fiction match-up in Battle of the Idioms.
Teach a new dog old tricks, e.g., extended coughing and shivering, struggling to get up stairs, and “playing” dead.
Schedule yearly physical and wear apple-filled garland necklace to test doctor-is-to-apples as vampires-is-to-garlic analogy.
Go on tour of prominent Masonic temple. In middle of tour pull out completed Rubik’s cube and scream “I’ve got it!” and start frantically pulling up carpeting/floor tiles.
Schedule an informational interview with a stripper.*

*Gentlemanly hat-tip to Ms. Manager for these gems

Written by Ryan White

Ryan is The Wheelhouse’s Managing Editor, Web Designer, and Resident Eye Candy. You can follow him on Twitter, or in person if you’re at 54.1473^o N, 4.6888^o W promptly at 9:00 AM weekday mornings. He just recently learned what “wheelhouse” means, and includes low-, mid-, and uni- brow humor as items within this. And phrenology too, depending on a state’s labor laws.

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