(Author’s note: This week’s post was scheduled to be my review of the classic film “Twilight,” after getting crushed in the first annual readers poll. But I’ve been up with nightmares since watching the vampiric tour-de-romance, so that will have to wait until next week (Scout’s honor). Instead, I’m resurrecting a post from my old blog, the humor of which I hope will be as eternal as those sexy teenage vampires).
Rewind to April 22, 2012: Earth Day. Like most people this annual “holiday” snuck up on me like a rabid ocelot, so after my usual Sunday routine of burning garbage with a starter kit containing a lighter, aerosol-canned hair spray, and fossilized dodo bird eggs (a highly underrated source of kindling, fyi), I felt guilted into doing something to celebrate sweet Mother Earth. Naturally, I marked the occasion and showed my support as is the norm with my generation: sending a tweet from my smartphone while on the john. Behold my pithy 140-character message in all its glory: