(Editor’s Note: This post is part of a monthly feature in which Ryan takes an actual letter written to “Dear Abby” and answers it himself. For further background see the introductory post here, or maybe also here. Do not read Dear Abby is Off Today if you take nitrates, often prescribed for chest pain, as this may cause a sudden, unsafe drop in blood pressure. If you experience chest pain, nausea, or any other discomforts related to this advice column, seek immediate medical help. In the rare event of an erection lasting more than 4 hours after reading this post, seek immediate medical help to avoid long-term injury. If it’s just 3 hours and 59 minutes though, you’re probably fine.)
The famed Irish playwright, George Bernard Shaw, once wrote in a correspondence with his friend, “I’m sorry this letter is so long. I didn’t have time to make it shorter.”1
George Bernard Shaw died on November 2, 1950. I, on the other hand, am still alive and writing. So for those keeping score at home, that’s Ryan 1, George Bernard Shaw 0.
I write this to draw attention to one of my (few) shortcomings: specifically, that I am, in the words of my trusted and over-worked editor, an unabashed “word-hoarder.”
Normally I’d brush off this criticism, fight any “trimming” suggestions tooth and nail, and offer some misquote as justification for my wordiness. For example, it was the great Shakespeare himself who wrote in Hamlet, “brevity is the abomination of wit.” So think of that, mine editor, next time you try to override my proofreading notes with your interminable “out, damn’d stet!”2