(Editor’s Note: This post is part of a monthly feature in which Ryan takes an actual letter written to “Dear Abby” and answers it himself. For further background see the introductory post here, or maybe also here. Nine out of ten dentists recommend this advice column over all other advice columns. The tenth dentist surveyed was not able to comment due to a water pick-related accident.)
This month’s letter was published on September 9, 2012, and quoted in full, reads as follows:
DEAR ABBY: I have an issue I’d like your opinion on. What should the Tooth Fairy do with baby teeth after collecting them? She stopped coming to our house years ago, but the baby teeth have been dutifully saved — every one of them — in a jar where the Tooth Fairy left them.
I thought I was unique in this predicament, but found out that a sister-in-law had the same dilemma. Our kids are adults now, but I don’t know what I should or could do with these little keepsakes of a beautiful boy who stole my heart the minute I looked into his eyes.
–ALWAYS HIS MOM
Normally in these columns I never quote the “advice” of my arch nemesis, Dear Abby. As the old saying goes, “Keep your friends close, and your enemies unattributed.” But I’m going to make an exception this time and let you see her response verbatim so you can compare and contrast to see the brilliance of my own. Plus, I’m going to add in editorial comments in brackets throughout her answer to give my loyal readers [hi mom!] an opportunity to venture into my mind and see my thought process at work in written form. Think Fantastic Journey meets Being John Malkovich. Maybe with a dash of Tron.