About Al Domeyko

Al Domeyko is a resident of New York City who likes to watch movies, and then passionately write about them online.  If you want to read his reviews of current films, non-current films, and quasi-current films, check him out, cuz he's the only film geek blogger out there.  Yup, the oooooonly one.

The Shining 2.0: Romneylypse 2012

A picturesque home in the New England countryside. It is dark out. The neighborhood is quiet, the lawn is mowed, and 13 American flags are flying along the top of the roof, rustling in the windy chill of the early evening. Inside, all is also quiet. The living room has nary a spot of dust and the fine china sits proudly on the dining room table. The kitchen has all the latest appliances, though they seem to have never been used. The beautiful winding stairs with some sort of ornately wood-carved frou-frou design thingie on the railing suggest that this is the home of no ordinary everyday American, while the magnificently opulent master bedroom on the second floor settles the matter once and for all. What a spread. Just off the bedroom in the master bathroom, a woman stares into the mirror. She is trying on lipstick.

CRASH!!! The massive axe lands loudly on the bathroom door, cutting through it like a hot steaming knife through warm soft butter. Ann Romney shrieks with blood-curdling authenticity. Her fear was no less than frighteningly genuine.

CRACK!!! The axe comes down again, this time completely penetrating through the door like a hot seafood fork through a delicious Prince Edward Island mussel. Wood splinters in all directions. Ann screams again. There is nowhere for her to run! She’s trapped!

CRASH!! The axe swings violently through another section of door. The person behind the axe is trying to gouge open a larger space in the door. Ann screams a third time, this time sounding almost numb to the inevitable horror that awaits her on the other side.

Governor Mitt Romney: Heeeeeeeeeeere’s Romney!!! How much longer are you gonna be in the bathroom, honey? I’m hungry. When’s dinner?

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Hillarable: A Review of “The Expendables 2”

Every now and then there comes a film that is so boldly…ambitiously…dare I say courageously…bad, that it must be seen to be believed. A movie where simply saying to your friends, “It’s terrible. Don’t see it.” does not suffice. If you’re a movie geek, you know them well. The rubber lips in Batman and Robin, the wrecking ball testicles in Transformers 2, the alien “computer virus” in Independence Day. These classic…ly bad stinkers together form a unique sub-genre. One I call the Hilarrible Film: Hilariously Terrible flicks that make you think, “Wow. A lot of very very rich people got together in one room and agreed on this”, as you laugh your ass off at Shia Labeouf swinging through the Brazilian jungle like Tarzan.

Get ready for The Expendables 3, starring a holographic image of Charles Bronson!

I had the privilege and pleasure of going to see The Expendables 2 this afternoon. Yeah, I saw the first one, so the second one sucking bananas isn’t much of a surprise, but still…DAMN.  This new entry not only ups the washed-up-action-star ante but also tries to be a bit more tongue-in-cheek than the first. However, just because a movie is self-deprecating doesn’t mean it’s cleverly self-deprecating.

Lemme see if I can break down the plot for you…

…hmm. Drawing a blank. Well, I tried.

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