I originally conceived of this as nothing but a simple exercise in Bible humor. Why not re-write famous pronouncements and stories from Jesus’s teachings so that they speak revolutionary wisdom to American coffee snob culture instead of first-century, Roman-occupied, Greek-influenced Jewish culture? This could go viral, right? Right…?
Anyway. Thinking of the silly possibilities was the easy part. Here are a few for your consideration:
“You hypocrite, how can you say to your neighbor, ‘Get that Eight O’Clock coffee out of your cabinet!’ while paying no attention to the Folgers in your own cabinet?” Matthew 7:3-5
“Then, opening their recyclable bags, they offered him gifts: a burr grinder, a wood-handled pouring kettle, and a Bonmac ceramic dripper.” Matthew 2:11
“Is there anyone among you who, if your child asks for a bag of Stumptown’s Guatemala Finca Semillero Tekisic, will give them Maxwell House? Or if the child asks for half-and-half, will give them powdered creamer full of corn syrup solids?” Matthew 7:9-10 Continue reading