The following are actual horoscopes from the L.A.Times. Minus the coddling.
Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19)
Recipes require ingredients to be mixed in correct measures and cooked at correct temperatures. Although scope exists to deviate slightly where certain ingredients are concerned, for best results, it is best to stick to the recipe. It’s possible to cut a proverbial corner in a certain area now. You’d be well advised to stick to the original plan otherwise a retracing of steps is very likely!
Now that Thanksgiving is over, you should know that if you ever add chestnuts to the stuffing again, I’m going to throw my Martha-Stewart-approved 18-pound turkey at your head.
Taurus (Apr 20-May 20)
The ‘lever’ was probably discovered around the same time as the wheel, maybe even before then if the stone needed to create the wheel required prying from the ground! Science behind small amounts of force moving considerably larger objects is relevant to you now. You don’t need to exert as much force as you believe to cause a significant shift to what appears to be unmovable.
This is reminder to stick to your Caveman diet. You’re getting so fat that I can’t even move you with a ‘lever’.
Gemini (May 21-June 21)
Reputations, they say, are made every day during every minute of the day. We place varying levels of importance upon how we’re seen by others but if we’re honest with ourselves, we care what others think. You’re likely to find yourself in a controversial situation likely to have others’ tongues wagging. When the need to defend a decision arises, have your answers ready.
Look at me. I’m judging you. It doesn’t bother you? It should.Tell me why I shouldn’t hate you right now. I’m using a tongue-wagging metaphor to remind you that your dog is hungry.