It has been too long. As you can see from the return address, I am writing to you from our facility in Alexandria, where a majority of our most exciting research has been the last few years. I am thrilled to announce that we have done it. It is the breakthrough we’ve been waiting for—undoubtedly, the scientific discovery of the century. You probably know what I’m referring to at this point, but it stirs in my bowel such great pride to spell it out: we have observed early empirical evidence that ghosts do act within the present material world!
I hope not to bore you since you are not only a pioneer in parapneumatology, but also my mentor; however, I cannot and would not bottle the excitement. I suspect, neither would you. So forgive me for repeating to you the things you already know (many of which, you yourself literally wrote the textbooks on!), but I think in my excitement, my exposition here will help give solid form to my watery thoughts for when we finalize the analysis and publish our findings. Bear with me as I flush this out for you.
Courtesy of travelblog.portfoliocollection.com
As you know, the spirits of living things, contrary to popular belief, sink deep down into the earth (not into the sky!) according to the Haru spirit/matter density (SMD) proportion. Humans, as you also know, have too dense an SMD relative to the earth to remain on its surface and are thus one of the fastest spirits to depart, making human ghosts a nearly impossible proposition (despite science fiction and horror film makers insisting otherwise—the evidence simply does not support it. Why do scientists consistently battle the media for truth!). Though there was some skepticism that any organism’s post-mortem non-material entity (NME) would manifest as a ghost, we believe we have found the only organism with a favorable SMD proportion relative to that of the earth, so as to inhibit the departure from the surface earth (SE). It is aphodiinae, the small dung beetle (SDB).